As you can see I've not been bloging for a while, most likely because I was thinking it was a fad and something that I enjoyed for a short while and would not pick up again. It would seem that I am feeling the need again to express myself and lacking the people to do it @ so I thought this would be a usefull venue for the evening's reflections.
First realisation, Xmas alone is fine, and New Year Eve alone is fine as well.. just don't do both in the sme holiday season. I found it really quite lonely. It wasn't one of those lonely, I'm depressed and no one cares about me moments, it was just really really quiet. I have to say tho, that having had that downtime, and also the place to myself to do what I want with was nice and gave me the time to recharge the batteries before heading into the next semestre, where I will most likely be pushing forward into a better carrer situation and be trying to reforge my aliances with the fashion industry since I've kinda lost touch with a lot of the peeps of old.
Tangent - still think I should go into the men's underwear industry in some way shape or form. Seems to be something I enjoy elarning about and also a niche that seems to be seeing a lot of expansion lately as well, which makes me happy to no end, since i'm tired of wearing underwear that doesn't fit right.
I'm getting fat again.. blubber bluber blubber.. not pretty, but my ass is still sexy.. so It's not all bad.
Watched a shit load of movies over the past couple of weeks. They were my escape from the lonelyness and helped me to foreget myself quite a bit. I think I've mentionned my overimplication into plot lines.. well can you imagine me watching like 20 movies ? The emotional turmoil I must have endured ? Gotta say it was nice to ride that emotional rollercoaster for a bit since last semestre I was quite blank and devoid of emotion for most of the latter half.
Room mate is comming home tomorow. Still not sure why I'm affraid of her, since she's not really all that much to be affraid of, she's just typically not in a good mood and I find it's just better to run away then to risk confrontation, since she intends on being here for another year or more, so would hate to cause more friciton then need be. Although I really should speak to her about paying bills. Something I've done for her since she's arrived and just been too scared to ask her about since.
I wondered today, after watching the latest movie, if people stop thinking about how their parents impact their lives or stop resenting their parents or wtvr when they get older. I suppose not, but you would think that at some point one would start owning their situation and not blaming or attributing success to someone else and think that they were in their current situation due to their own imput into their own lives. Wish I could concretely thank my father for sometihng he comtributed to my life, but it would seem I often come up short when thinking good things about him. Although, I haev to admit that in recent past I've come to understand and apreciate the hard work and sacrifice he's endured for our well being as a family. I would like to think that he would rather have been closer to us, but circumstances wouldn't allow.
I'm still trying to figure out what job would best allow me to explore my own capacity for performance. I'm standing by what I had once said, that if they just found a way to hook me up directly to a computer, or at least make a more user friendly interface, I would be able to surpase myself tenfold.
Frustration: being a red head seems to be so wonderfull to so many people, everyone seems to wish they had this color hair/skin. I think they just like it because it's not what they have and they just can't have it. Since from what I understand you can't really dye it this color unless you spend a whole whack of money and have it done professionally, and even then, it would seem it doesn't come easily. Even at that, you're still not the same wretched everlasting color of white I seem to be. I had once spoken to a long time nurse and she was saying that red heads are actually more likely to resist pain medication, have a lower pain threshhold, tend to bleed out more often and suffer complication more frequently during operations then other people. People also seem to think I shoudl try and tan.. apparently they just don't understand how this whole white as the fresh driven snow works. I burn. I burn the second I leave the house. I can run up the road do some groceries (indoors) and then walk back and I will feel the sun burn on my face and neck when I take a shower in teh evening and will notice some redness the following day if I had foregotten to put on sun screen. Even more interesting is that I burn, then turn white again. So it's not even like these girls who burn once and burn hard at the begining of the summer and then they are tanned. It's just not happening. The more I think about being a red head the more I wonder if it's a malformation or genetic mutation of some sort back in the day that spawned us in those lush rolling hills in the European lands of old..
I seem to be having a hard time finding a dildo with a suction cup on the bottom that would serve the purpose I have in mind. Some are too small, some are more like plugs, some are more like coke bottles, wide and short, not so fun. Was looking at the porn star replica things, and was wondering why someone would pay 150$ for a rubber cock just because it was in the shape of someone else's; whom they've never met. Seems a wee bit odd to me. But I have to say they were most likely the best candidates to be what I was looking for tho.. Damn me and my expensive taste.
Hmm - me thinks I'm done for the time being. I'll keep going tomorow if I have anything to add, or perhaps even this evening.
Jay
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